Preface

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token
Edgar Allen Poe ~ The Raven

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PROLOGUE

The darkness seemed too welcoming. I wanted it to engulf me, swallow me whole, yet as I lay there staring towards the single dim light protruding through the curtains, something held me back. I knew that if I just closed my eyes, for even just a second, it would all come rushing back to me. The pain of the days events, the horror that would await me should I allow the darkness to pull me in; even as sleep lured me ever closer to that big black nothingness filling the room, I held on, trying to concentrate on the one thing that would keep me from flying through the emptiness and into the void beyond.

Why?

That single word buzzing around in my ears so loudly that I could feel my eardrums burning.
Why, why, why?
It all became too much. I flung myself upright and snapped on the table lamp, almost knocking the glass off the small counter beside my bed. A bright light filled the room, making my eyes sting. I thought that the light might comfort me, might somehow ease the throbbing in my ears. I was, however, much mistaken.
I darted toward the wardrobe, almost running the two steps from my bed, and swung the doors open in such a way that they bashed into the desk and I was sure that had I not been alone, the whole house would have woken.

It did not take me long to find what I was searching for.
In the bottom of the wardrobe, tucked quite neatly at the back, was my satchel. By itself, it would have looked quite plain, with its dull charcoal canvas and it’s plain buckle. However, it was what it contained which held my interest. The only thing guaranteed to stop the maddening question in my ears and quieten the screaming from my heart.

I calmly took the bag over to the bed, perched myself on the edge and took the small package out of the dull, drab satchel that I had stashed away only days ago.
Carefully, I unwrapped the paper, and with a quiet thud, the blade landed on the quilt. It was somewhat ornate, compared to the satchel it had been kept in. Red characters scrawled across the handle glared at me in the bright light. I wasn’t sure if it was Japanese, Chinese or a more ancient language, but it did not matter. The blade would serve its purpose to no end and I would finally be free. The burning would stop, the arguing would turn into a dull roar before fading into that never-ending darkness which was now hiding in the corners, begging me to walk towards it.

Giving one final glance at the blade, I held it up to the light, hoping that somehow, I’d find the power to stop. It never came, So I lowered the blade, hovering it over my wrists.
no
A voice rung through my head
Please… I’m sorry.
“I can’t” I muttered silently. “I can’t do this”..
The blade now carefully poised over my throat my throat.
“Goodbye.” I sobbed, though there was noone to hear me, a single tear rolling down my cheek.

And with that, the sharp silver pierced through the skin and a warmth engulfed me. Finally, my ears stopped ringing and my heart gave one last thump before the darkness came. I was at peace. The darkness had claimed its prize and the game was over.

I had lost, but it was a good way to go. He would not be able to bother me anymore.