Misplaced

Well, It’s me again..

I know I said I would post more often, I spose I haven’t been too good at that lately.. mind you, I haven’t been too good at anything lately.. specially as emotions are concerned

I feel so out of sorts it’s unreal.. Everything has been so great for a while, even considering the massive knock to the heart that almost the entire family have hit me with, but even considering that it’s been all kafuffled. So here’s my little snippit that sums up my new year so far…

“We’ve done nothing! And if we had, what could we possibly do that would bring this down on us?”

That is pretty much it. apart from the fact that I seem to feel as if Alan’s family are my own.. and as if I’ve been here since forever. Its odd that now I find something to smile about, everything else crashes on our heads and disrupts things in such a way that all faith in family has been dissolved.
It’s even started giving me dreams about alan’s mum being mine and her being preg again and ugh it’s so odd.. I deciphered them all and it makes sense but it still doesn’t stop me thinking about it all and it’s all I can manage to keep the tears from forming at the slight thought of “family”

At the moment, I just want to do away with everything.. I thought the pnd had cleared and that I no longer needed to be on the happy pills… but now they’re put me right back where i started a year ago and I don’t want to go back on the ad’s. So now I find myself drifting on a cloud going nowhere and it’s starting to thin out fast.
I need a break, either that or I need to stick 2 fingers up to the lot of them (except amber) and just leave. no more going back, no more trying. just me and my own little family.. least then they can’t hurt naomi and I can forget about it.. and them. yeah, It might sting at first, but like they say, wounds heal. Even the big ones, if there’s someone to stitch them back together.
That’s the one thing I can be happy with I suppose. I have a whole “other” family ready and waiting with the sutcher needles, waiting for something to split open.

On a happier note, I’ve almost finished chapter one! well, in my head at least. The idea of the first chapter is that Danika’s parents decide to divorce in the first chapter and Danika has to make the choice of who to live with. Possibly one of the toughest decisions a teenager would have to make. Being forced to decide which of your parents you will devote your care to is such a huge responsibility to bear on your shoulders, and regardless of which you choose, someone will get hurt.

I will try to finish tonight, if not then within the next week, time permitting of course.

Well, goodnight all, will try to come back and re-post very soon