again?!

I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

I don’t know why, but I felt I needed to redo this, as the snippet I used the last time was a bit unlike me, and didn’t have as much flow to it…
Well, It seems as though I write like a cross between Stephen King and Dan Brown… I’m happy with that!

 

SQWEEE!!

♫♪ Pure hearts stumble, In my hands, They crumble, Fragile and stripped to the core, I can’t hurt you anymore ♫♪

I feel as though this post should stand separately as I was very annoyed the other night and what I originally wanted to say got pushed to one side…

I’M GOING TO SEE MUSE AT WEMBLEY ❤ Ah, Mon Amour! ❤

I absolutely cannot believe that Mumsy did this for me! Of all the things I want to do in my life, this has been my #1 for a while now.. I tried and tried to get tickets, to no avail, only for my wonderful WONDERFUL mother in law to get me some!!

A lot of people would be amused at my excitement, afterall, they're just a band right? Well, those of you who have read my posts referencing them, should know that they are a LOT more to me than just a band.

Muse are like the glue, holding the pieces of my once broken heart in place. Their music is language of my soul, the melodies screaming into the darkness what words cannot express

I said this in my post about “Neutron star collision” and it is something I will say until I’m blue in the face, even if only one other person believe me. Everyone has a theme tune to their life, a certain set of songs which sets their very soul on fire when they listen. Everybody. Be it a drum and bass track (ew) or a classical opera (like Vide Cor Meum from Dante’s La Vida Nuova) Everyone has at least one song that they can listen to over and over again as if it is speaking to them, they understand that song, they can relate to it with such ease.

All of Muse’s music is like that for me. I listen, I get absorbed and time passes unnoticed. Now, I am getting the chance to see them live at wembley, something I thought I would never get the chance to do, due to money issues, or not having the time to get up there, or even sitting here at 2 minutes to midnight on ticket opening night, only for the internet to crash and the tix to be sold out by the time it recovers..

It may make me sound like a fan girl, but I don’t care… I WISH I could just meet them, just once. Even to have them read my blog and read what effect their music has on me would be a dream come true. Their music touches me in such a way I thought nothing ever would. I’m proud to say that I am absorbed by their music, that their harmonies envelop me, their melodies bring tears to my eyes. I don’t think that there is anything else that could ever make me feel this way.

Pure, un-adultered love. Untouchable, Unbreakable and Whole.

Music speaks louder than words ever could. A passageway to the soul, a window into the depths of the subconcious mind that rarely is shown. Hearing a perfect piece of music for the first time is like the first kiss between soulmates. It takes your breath away, it makes you tremble with excitement, makes you shudder at the very thought of its end.
Muse’s music is so much more than perfect. A first kiss MUST end. That is something you can never get back, a one-in-a-lifetime experience, its power fading from memory as time passes. To me, the power of music, perfect music, is something that never fades. You’ll hear that piece of music again and be reminded of why you fell in love with it in the first place. Despite listening to it for hours on end, over and over again until you have memorized EVERY last note, and etched every word into your memory, you will hear it once more and again be hit with its full force, overwhelming you with intense emotion, as though you were falling in love for the first time.

Listening to Exogenesis Symphony part 3, for the millionth time… and still, a tear forms in my eye, still my heart thuds just that little bit harder, a lump rising in my throat, My heart threatening to explode at each and every chord change.

I may sound crazy, but I don’t care. If there was one sense that I could NEVER stand to lose, it would be my hearing, for losing music would be the end of me. Never hearing Muse again, never hearing those perfect melodies, would be pure hell and I would rather lose my life than to live it without music.

 

SO excited and angry.

So, I’ve had quite a random few days, but also quite good ones! I had my new tattoo done on wednesday and it’s looking GREAT! I really like my squirtle tattoo, although its itching quite badly where its scabbing over xD

I had a great night with Amber and Matt playing talisman, and then mumsy phoned on thursday saying she got tickets to see muse at Wembley!!! I’m SO excited it’s awesome!

On the other hand, Alan has just managed to piss me right off to the point where I probably won’t be going to bed tonight. We were in the middle of trying to get Naomi to bed and he suddenly decided to just go to bed without even saying anything to me. He didn’t say goodnight, didn’t ask me whether I would be joining him or staying up, he didn’t even bother to clear his mess up, just left tissues, plates, glasses and crap all over the house, despite me telling him that I spent all afternoon cleaning up.

Sometimes I REALLY feel like I’m being taken for granted.
Tonight then, I will be watching rubbish telly, Playing some games and generally just chilling out by myself before most likely crashing out on the sofa. He probably hasn’t even set his alarm for work in the morning.

 

I write like…

I write like
Dan Brown

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

I like this 😀 Dan brown is really awesome!

 

Breaking point

Have you ever been told something and instantly wished you hadn’t? That’s how I’m feeling right now. I had a phone call on Tuesday and was told something that made me REALLY angry. I can’t say too much about it but it’s really gnawing away at me and now I’m feeling bad for thinking that it will just go away.

When someone has what you so desperately want it makes you jealous. What makes it worse is when they act so childish and blaze about it all. I really do feel as though I’m at breaking point and it’s wearing me down. Everything is getting on top of me so much this week and I don’t know what I can do about it. It also doesn’t help when my “sister” is trying to blame me for all the shit our family put me through and although she says she “wants to patch things up” I don’t think she does at all..

Is it all my fault? Am I to blame for everything that happens? Am I to blame for my family’s breakdown and the fact that someone close to me is now having to go through something horrible? I want to scream and shout but no one seems to listen anymore.. Naomi’s being a pain, I’m not sleeping and If I have any more stress, my fibro is going to get so bad I could end up paralysed again.. I’m already starting to feel stiff and achy 😦

 

Love at first sight

Name one thing you've lost that you want back:

Love with all your Heart

What I want back the most is that moment when you fall for someone for the very first time. That instant rush of blood to your heart, the dizziness, the burning in the back of your throat while you try to steady yourself while attempting to stop the room from spinning.

I miss that moment, that split second in which you realise that your life will never be the same again and that you just *have* to have that person in your life.

I miss those nights, spent thinking about that person, wondering if they feel the same about you. The days, filled with fertile thoughts of said person, contemplating telling them about your feelings, then changing your mind.

I wish, for just one moment, I could have that again.

 

New Layout!

Here it is guys, the new blog layout! I’ve been contemplating changing it for a while, but couldn’t figure out what I wanted it to look like, so for now here’s a new theme, a new header and hopefully some swanky new menus coming up! In time, I’ll hopefully have a few margin pics up (It’s not loading them atm for some odd reason >< ) and maybe some custom css 😀

I've been having a big, long think about the direction my life is headed and I think I may have come up with a plan! I'm going to finish my diploma in the next few months and then decide which direction I will take. At the moment, there are several doors opening up to me. A possible apprenticeship at the tattoo/piercing parlour, a career in child psychology and behaviour therapy, full time mother/cook/cleaner/etc, hell, I've even considered a career in journalism for the masses in the form of a games/music reviewer. There's loads of companies who would pay lots to have their work reviewed and I *know* I have the english skills and the literacy competance to do it, I just don't know if they'd be interested in my work as I'm not scared to speak the truth.

Its so difficult to choose one door to open. There's so much I want to do, so many experiences I have yet to have, but simply cannot find the time.

I want to sing.
I want to dance.
I want to scream from the rooftops.
I want to tell the world about my life.
I want to cry on someone's shoulder.
I want to sit for 24 hours in a dark room with nothing but my thoughts.
I want to write.
I want to draw.
I want to paint pictures on a bright balcony with the wind in my hair.
I want to learn.

Most of all, I want to live to the full!

I'm in a really positive mood this evening and I have no idea where it sprung from, but its a welcome distraction. I think lately I have been so bogged down by the weight of the world and the gravity of being a newly-wed with a toddler that I forgot that I am also my own person and I need to give myself some time to be me. I think seeing my squirtle on tuesdays has been a huge help where this is concerned. It's given me time to remember that I'm not just a "housewife" and can have fun and for that, I will be eternally greatful. I missed her so much I can't believe it has been so long since our regular meetings stopped! Hopefully this summer we'll get to spend some quality sister time and regain all that lost time.

In the meantime, I wish to leave you with one song quote while I go and stare at the ceiling for 9 hours (ah insomnia xD)
Oyasumi Nasai,

今日の日を迷わず生きていたい
もう来ないから

(I want to live today, without hesitation
Because today won’t come again)

 

Love Is Forever ~ An array of emotions in a heart once shattered.

“I was searching
You were on a mission
Then our hearts combined like
A Neutron Star Collision

I had nothing left to lose
You took your time to choose
Then we told eachother with no trace of fear that

Our love would be forever
And if we died
We died together
And I
I said never
Cause our love would be forever

The world is broken
And halos fail to glisten
We tried to make a difference but
No one wants to listen
Hail, the preachers fake and proud
Their doctrines will be cloud
Then they’ll dissipate
Like snowflakes in an ocean

Love is forever
And we’ll die
we’ll die together
And I
I said never
Cause our love could be forever

Now, I’ve got nothing left to lose
You take your time to choose
I can tell you now without a trace of fear
That my love will be forever
And we’ll die
we’ll die together
And I
I will never
Cause our love
Will be forever”

Neutron Star Collision (Love Is Forever)

A BIG hello to you all! First off, if you have come here following a link I posted on my facebook or other site, thank you for stopping by! I would appreciate it hugely if you would leave a comment after your visit to tell me what you think!

For my regular readers, this is going to be the kind of post I’m sure you’re not used to seeing from me so please bear with it and if not to your taste, don’t worry, normal service will assume 😉

A band I am sure you have heard of. For most, just another “rock band”, albeit a great one, but just another group of talented individuals bringing music to the masses. For some, Idols. People to aspire to, greatness likened to some of the best musical talents of our time.

For me, Muse are like the glue, holding the pieces of my once broken heart in place. Their music is language of my soul, the melodies screaming into the darkness what words cannot express. (I touched on this in Exogenesis~ Symphony to my soul, a blog post I wrote a while back)
Again, I find myself drawn to their music, the harmonies leaving me in tears, each note pounding in my heart, forcing the breath out of my lungs as though punched from the inside out.

Very rarely is such genius heard in the music world, and VERY rarely does music touch you with such power that you are left utterly astonished at the raw emotion it makes you feel. Fortunately, I feel I have stumbled across something so incredible, I can barely tear myself away long enough for the echoes to dissipate from my mind.

Having been classically trained in a wide range of instruments since I started school, and studying all genres of music, I can honestly say that what these guys produce is as near to perfection as anyone will ever get. Beethoven, Mozart, Bach et al were all great musicians of their time, now renowned for their works, despite being turned away many times in their own era. What these “classical” musicians did for today’s society is something that nobody would ever be able to put into words. Without their foundations and their perserverence, I don’t think we’d have music of the same quality we do now. However, I truely feel as though their perfection has been thoroughly matched, and dare I say, even surpassed!

Now, you might be starting to think that I am just droning on, talking utter nonsense. So I ask you.. Have you ever had a broken heart? Has anyone ever hurt you to the point that your throat closes, your heart beating so hard you feel as though it’s going to explode out of your head? Have you ever felt such utter grief and despair that you honestly believe as though you will die from the pain?
I have. Thrice.

Each time your heart breaks, the pain is etched onto your memory like a deep scar. Never forgotten, Never erased, Never fading. Every time you’re reminded of those “dark days” filled with nothingness, the scars twitch, a cloud descends over your mind, threatening to break open old wounds.

That feeling that you’re left with, the bitterness in your mouth, the thud-thud-thudding in your heart, such raw strong emotion? That is exactly the effect that a good piece of music leaves you with. THAT is the feeling that lingers in my mind, body and soul every time I listen to a MUSE track.

I’ve already spoken about the “haunting violins, accompanied by cello, timpani and brass, which evolves into a fully orchestrated explosion of sound, rising with a perfect crescendo to the entrance of the vocals, which, by themselves are massively moving, but when accompanied with the enigmatic sound of fully harmonized backing, turns into something magical.” in my Exogenesis Symphony post, however, I was wrong when I also said “I cannot begin to imagine what awaits us on their next album; can it get any more perfect than The Resistance? That I’m afraid, time itself can only tell.” as I now have just proven to myself.

I went to see Eclipse with Mumsy (My Mother-in-law.. more like my mum than anyone else has been) and although it was only a brief 10 second clip, I instantaneously recognized the song linked above “Neutron Star Collision (Love Is Forever)” as being a Muse song. Upon getting home, the first thing I did was download this track and listen to it 3 times in a row, with my eyes closed. What unfolded in my ears was something so shocking, had I not have heard it, I would not have believed. Right from the very first chord, something magical unfolds and yet again, perfection is unveiled.
I have NEVER heard such musical prowess as this. Right on par with Exogenesis, Neutron Star Collision has such strong melodic presence, and such simple overlaid harmonies that it is difficult to fathom how Muse are still able to keep producing better quality. Afterall, you can’t get better than perfect, and right after releasing the BEST album that anyone has ever managed to produce, they go and release this track, which not only is as good as, but in some ways better than The Resistance.

I know, you’re probably asking what makes me think that The Resistance is the best album to have ever been released, and its simple ~ Muse managed to do what no other band has yet done- Produce a perfect album. Every track, flowing neatly into the next. Each chromaticism sculpted into cascading tonality, every note placed in just the right spot so that it hits with maximum impact. Each song on the album as good as the next, not one falling behind the wayside, none shoved on just to fill the space. There are no gaps, no mismatched lyrics, no overpowering from any of the other instruments, as is the case with some artists. All members of the band play in perfect syncronicity with eachother, not missing a single beat, not a semitone pause where there needn’t be.

Every last chord falls neatly into place, every corner of the musical score filled with the reverberation of the overlapping layers, all piled up like layers on a cake. Thin enough to slice through one by one, but stacked ontop of eachother, there is too much to get your mouth round at one time. You have to dissect the composition piece by piece, layer by layer until eventually all that remains is the paper it was written on and a heavy heart.

If you can, feed it through a filter program and reduce the instruments one by one. You’ll see that none of them are mistimed, none are insignificant. Even the drums on exo3 are perfect – 3 strong beats, 3 fast, softer beats. Beating, like my heart in a rush of adrenaline.

Finally, the piano on their new track. The piano and vocal introduction (36 seconds) is so in synch with eachother that even Matt Bellamy’s voice sounds as though it has been expertly tuned for the song. The piano’s rising and falling in sequence with the bass chords and the lyrics make it all so mysterious. But it is this mystery that pulls at the heart and captures it, leaving you gasping for more, drawing you into its magic. I often pick apart songs in my head, piecing them back together again, only to find that they don’t match up right, that the backbeats don’t “fit” with the rest of the music, but I cannot do such with Muse. This little glimpse of a music genius is so rare, but gives me hope. Hope that if music can indeed mimic the feelings of a broken heart, maybe it can help piece it back together.

I haven’t had the honour of seeing them perform live, but should I ever have the chance, I am sure to be the one on her knees by the stage, crying in joy, sobbing with sorrow and trying to stick myself back together, falling apart at the same time in awe of these musicians who have tapped into their souls and pulled out pure, untouched love. I said it before and I’ll say it again. Music is the single most powerful communication tool that mankind have at their disposal and way too often is it disregarded and disrespected. There are few too many people willing to give music a chance and being from a musical background, I simply cannot understand why.

When you listen to a song, do you just listen? Or do you HEAR it? Do you FEEL it?

They said “Love is Forever” and my love of music is one that will never die. They said “We tried to make a difference, but no one wants to listen”. I AM listening, and will continue to listen until the day I die.

Will you be listening with me?
If you do one thing today, listen to Neutron Star Collision and Exogenesis Symphony pt1-3 with your eyes closed. Shut off your thoughts, put aside your worries and just let it take you where it will. You will discover something amazing. You will see things in your head that are so beautiful, you never want to leave.

Listen with me, for you will not be disappointed.