Two beds and a coffee machine

Ahh mondays. Blissful mondays. The day of food deliveries, housework and constant running up and down the stairs with armfulls of washing.

Except today. Today I decided to take a “lazy” day. Cue lots of housework, but no running up and downstairs with armfulls of washing. I am infact, slouching around in Alan’s jumper tapping away here with a cuppa and some digestives.
I’m feeling quite down today, and as usual, my mother is at the root of the problem. not only has she decided to get rid of all my belongings currently occupying approximately 2 square feet in her loft, which includes masses of my personal artwork and my expansive collection of music, but also all 60 of my china cats. She has also decided upon herself to try and completely ruin my wedding by not letting my younger sister going to her final fitting for her bridemaids dress! the reason for this? She wanted my sister to stay indoors. No particular reason, she just decided on keeping her housebound after having it planned for a whole month!

So what am I going to do? my mum is dropping my stuff off on friday, providing my brother doesn’t open his big gob about me being upset on facebook, and then I will have to face the enevitable final battle with my mother. If only I was going up against Jenova. It would be a whole lot easier and Bahamut would be able to put things straight.

Not only have I got to sound off about that, but I will also have to deal with the fact that she has not even asked me how Naomi is and hasn’t seen her since christmas! It’s one thing to ignore me but She’ll be expecting to waltz in here on friday, mouthing off about what a twat she thinks alan is, and ontop of all that, she’ll be all loving with Naomi, both of us knowing she doesn’t give a shit.

I want to scream and shout!
At least I have reading to look forward to! That should be a great laugh. I will prob be spotted running around the streets of reading like a mad woman, Buggy flying everywhere while I *try* to keep my composure long enough to ask one of the poor sods around me where I can find the “puff-pant ora-puff pant-cle”

Once of course I have found said shopping center, I then have the MASSIVE task of navigating around the hundreds of shops, the hundreds of unsuspecting shoppers, trying to find the restaraunt (who’s name I have already forgotten) where the ever-so-lovely ladies from Bc will probably have just finished their main course despite me getting off the train at reading an hour before the scheduled meet up.

Then, after a quick coffee (providing I make it in time before they leave) I will more than likely be making a similar dash, in reverse this time, as I try to find my way back to the train station, before running full pelt to my platform, getting on the train seconds before its scheduled exit, only to find that yet again, the train will be delayed in Reading for 15 minutes XD

After I’ve done all that, I should hopefully be having a nice relaxing evening at the cinema with the other half. And then of course, heading home for a nice night infront of season 4 of House and then curling up in bed and *hopefully* getting some sleep. Not before our usual “snuggle” though 😉

After all that, I hope I would have lost at least a little more weight! 7lbs in the last week alone and hoping to keep that up till the wedding in June so that I don’t look like such a blob in my gorgeous dress.

“Holding onto patience wearing thin
I can’t force these eyes to see the end
If only time flew like a dove
We could watch it fly and just keep looking up

This time we’re not giving up
Let’s make it last forever
Screaming “hallelujah”
We’ll make it last forever “

Paramore Hallelujah

For those who are still waiting on chapter 1 of my novel, it shall be finished soon. It’s a bit hard to find inspiration at the moment, but I do have a few ideas, so watch this space! Once its up, I may have to tinker with it a bit but I will definately do it some time this week!

But now, to nappy changes and toddler-entertaining XD

toodles, and as always, thanks for reading 😀

 

speculation

I wonder.. can we really trust these modern hpts? They say that they can detect pregnancy from 4 days before your period, but I wonder if that is really a good thing.

Last tuesday, I did one of these hpts and the result was positive, so we got all hyped up and excited over the thought of having a new baby, but then on saturday it all went horribly wrong. The drs couldn’t explain it properly, so I was left wondering what had happened.

I had had a miscarrage only 5 days after finding out I was expecting again. The doctors had told me that If I had tested a day later, I wouldn’t have known that I was pregnant, so inother words, I wasn’t pregnant at all according to the doctors at the hospital.

Now my point is, How big of a difference must there be in hormone levels for the tests to detect them? I don’t think that there would be that big a change within 24 hours. If this was the case, then why would the doctors have told me that I would have gotten a negative 24 hours later? I just wish that they would have explained it to me properly as it might have helped me make sense of it all.

I suppose it makes it even worse that they said I was only one week at most and probably just tested too close to conception, which to me makes no sense. If, as they said, it happens all the time but most women don’t know that they were pregnant, why then did I get 2 positive results and have morning sickness for a week before the mc? If I was only a week preg then my body wouldn’t have had time to register it. It just makes me mad.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that it just wasn’t meant to be and that I simply rejected the non-baby due to a likely genetic fault determined at conception, but still, in that situation, doctors should offer up a better answer. The way the doctors handled me in the hospital was nothing short of abysmal. When I got there, tears streaming down my face, I explained to them that I wasn’t registered with a midwife, they said that they usually didn’t “treat people off the street” as they weren’t a walk-in clinic or an A&E.

I was then just left in the waiting room and told someone would come and see me, and then it took bloody ages for someone to even check in on me and see how i was. I was then kicked out of the waiting room because Naomi was upset and couldn’t calm down, so rather than just putting me in a spare room, they made me pick her up and carry her out of the ward and into the main waiting area. to me, someone who is possibly having a miscarriage shouldn’t be made to pick up a toddler, as well as a nappy bag and all the coats and walk through the hospital to the main waiting area. I then got called into the examination room, and they didn’t explain what the reults meant, I had to ask them and even then they were rather vague

soon as they had finished their tests and told me I had miscarried our non-baby, they left and guided me out the ward. They didn’t even talk to me about it and pretty much left me to walk out, sit in the waiting room for an hour crying while waiting for mil to come and pick me up, and then just leave. they were so rude, I could have screamed bloody murder and they would have still left me there.

I want that baby so much right now. I really wish that I were still pregnant. It hurts so much to think that this time last week I was looking at double buggies and maternity clothes, planning on buying a bigger car and a new travel cot.

I’ve also just been put on the injection, and maybe after the wedding we can think again about trying for another one.
I was hoping that there was someone who was actually happy for us. All I’ve been hearing is that we can not afford another baby and that I’m too exhausted from Naomi so how am I going to manage a second? I just wish that for once people would see that it is what I really want and put aside their doubts and worries and just be happy.

Least I have the wedding to look forward to. We have a confirmed date now, 27th June! not long left now so Alan better get off his ass and start making some serious plans for finding a suit. Until he knows what he’s wearing, I can’t plan the buttonholes which is pissing me off!! aghhh I just want it all sorted out already. I hate last minute planning……

Well Sorry I’ve rambled a bit, Will be back in a few days!

Toodles!

 

Focus

Hello all,
Today is a good day, and time for a nice happy post 😀

Things have been going really well for us lately.. Alan has been a real help the last few days and has been so nice to me, I’m beginning to wonder what he’s compensating for… but ah, all the time he’s being nice I won’t complain!

James has been down for the last few days and is going home tomorrow.. it’s a shame because he’s awesome and funny but I’ll be happy to have some sort of flat left. Things get so messy when he’s here it’s unreal..

Naomi’s not been too well the last few days.. she’s has sickness, diahorrea and conjunctivitis. She’s been sleeping ALL the time and has barely eaten anything in the last 3 days.. she’s starting to get better at keeping her food down so hopefully it’ll pass soon and she’ll be back to her usual self.. Plus side to her being ill however is that she’s discovering her voice more and more. okay so I know it’s not that much of a plus to being ill but it is a great thing.

I’m feeling really sick and dizzy lately, and have had a really bad pain in my tummy.. might have to get to the drs about it. ah well..

I have recently had some rather good news, and I seem to be having a rather lucky streak at the moment. We have just found out that Alan has 2 pay days in July, so we can pay for the wedding in one go coz rent will be covered by the other pay!! yay! It also means that we can put down a deposit for a new car, which we are really happy about because ours isn’t likely to pass the mot in 2 months time and It’s a shit hole anyway.. It’ll be nice to have a brand new car.. it’s one step towards a new house! Well a car is not the same as a house, but then again if we get the car on finance, it boosts our credit rating.

Looking forward to possibly going up to reading again in a few weeks time (alicia, you must tell me when it is!!!) should be fun to get lost again. lol Although I’m NOT running through Reading town center with the buggy just to get the train this time. If I miss it, I’ll catch the next one!! haha

So it seems I have a lot to focus on within the next few weeks, and that should stop me dwelling on whatever shit my family are going to throw at me next…

Hope you all have a very good week!